Humour

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Dungeon...

A light-hearted section to record humourous incidents that have occurred in your gaming times, or satirical monsters or scenarios. Include here humorous tales from your adventuring campaigns. Within this page, please indent the text of the incident for ease of reference. Other pages are listed here:


Retrieving Fallen Comrades from Water Leapers

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/DWRP/message/495
Kicks the Water Leaper* a few more times just to make sure it's dead.

"Gentlemen! We've managed to stop this beast! Prevent it from menacing travellers and made the world a safer place! Excellent work! Now that the area around here has been made safer the world is surely a better place to live in!"

Sniffs the air.

"Now, assuming that Alasund wasn't the only person who has been swallowed by that beast... I wonder.... Where would a giant toad take a dump? Please bear with me gentlemen!"

Will slit the toad's guts open to see if there's any shiny metallic objects in it's recent meal. Then look around for some ... giant toad dump location.... Is there heavy reed growth somewhere around this pool?


"Kharil, the Toad can breath underwater. It will pass its waste into the pool... and I cannot recall a Water Breathing spell that I might cast to enable your guano-searching desires..."

Unless we wish to try to drain the pool by means of an engineering project the like of which Albion* has yet to experience {Archimede's Screws, Aquaducts and reciprocating siphon valves...}

Where the reeds are thick.... Mother nature points towards the riches... They are yonder ai' tell you!

Retrieving Sha-Ken

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/dwpbem/message/282
"Hey, where are those metallic stars? Someone find em' an' pass em' to me an DON'T THROW EM'!!!"

Diligently Keeping Watch

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/dwpbem/message/246
It is Thorsten's watch when everyone is woken by the sounds of a woman screaming and shouting coming from the second floor of the inn. You also hear the raised voices of a man.

Kharile, your character is on the first floor overlooking the carts.

What are you all to do?

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/dwpbem/message/252
Thorsten, Alisorn and Arash are with the carts. Arash is going upstairs to see what the commotion is about.

Farrow, unknown to the others is also going upstairs.

You have no idea what Kharil is up to, but you do see someone climbing up the side of the inn from the first floor to the second...

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/dwpbem/message/254
Thorsten: <standing on top of cart, sword in hand, roars at top of voice> "AHOY THERE! Tell Thorsten if ye be man, or ye be spider, or ye be man who thinks he is spider!"
<Looks at Alsiorn, addresses him> "Go talk to him lad if you like, but forget ye not that we are paid to watch carts, not catch spiders. Our friends inside can take care of Master Tedu."

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/dwpbem/message/255
"By Loge's Eyeball! Can't a guy watch a man discipline his wife in peace!?!!?"

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/dwpbem/message/256
Thorsten: <laughing, shouts back> "Only if he tells his friends all about it afterwards my boy."

Medical Attention for the Critically Injured

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/DWRP/message/1250
You grab hold of the screaming Ohtaroma's legs and pull as hard as you can. You start to succeed bit by bit. But all of a sudden, the screams stop and the resistance stops as well. Not being able to stop pulling as hard as your were, you are thrown backwards as you pull Ohtaroma from the tunnel, his form twitching as blood flows freely from numerous wounds and gashes on his head, face and neck.

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/DWRP/message/1263
Checks that Ohtaroma ('s possessions) is (are) intact.

"Get up! You can't die here! A very sad place to .... now! now! Quit foaming red at the mouth! I've had worse!"

*Slap*
*Slap*
*Scrabble*
*Slap*
*Kick*

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/DWRP/message/1264
You see that Ohtaroma is still breathing, but unconscious and bleeding.

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/DWRP/message/1265
Applies 'professional' medical attention....

*THWWAACKKK!!!*
*CLOOONNKK!!!*
*THUUUDDD!!!*

Tears in eyes....

"No! No! I can't believe this!!!!"

*CLUNNNK!!!*

"You can't do this to me! No! Noooo!"

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/DWRP/message/1271
"Tough Elf*, he should pull through. I've done what I can, might I add these Elves* are as solid as rock..."

Nurses injured knuckles. Reattaches a dislocated knuckle joint....




https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/DWRP/conversations/messages/1277
Ohtaroma wakes up and looks around at you. He still has a few
scratches but he stands "That is one beast I hope never to meet
again" he says with a smile on his face. Seeing him act like this,
it is obvious that he is trying to put the shock of his ordeal behind
him.

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/DWRP/conversations/messages/1278

"Ohtaroma! It is good to see you back up!"
    • "Damn that was a harsh fight! Fortunately me, Iowain and Elmo were
      able to fell the beast. It's disappeared from our planes, we lost all
      trace of it. Elmo and I were severely wounded in the fight...."

      Shows damaged knuckles.

      "Ah what! It is fortunate that we're all still together!"


    Being Invited to Bretwald's Home for Drinks in The King Under the Forest (or "A Muppet Dungeon Bash")

    A PBEM game among friends... Running through The King Under the Forest* (with a brief to play for laughs) the player of Lonan (a Barbarian*, raised by wolverines - don't ask!) came up with this reply to Bretwald's* invitation to adventure...

    Lonan looked up to see the others departing. He put down the piece of wood he had been whittling (a handsome Barbarian* ravaging twin Elven* maids on the still warm body of a slain Dragon*) and looked around, searching the skies for predators as he had been taught by his adoptive father, Tikka-tik-ah.

    Seeing nothing, he stood up and ambled after the others. "Beer, you say? Hey, wait up..."

    Battling the Spider in The King Under the Forest (or "A Muppet Dungeon Bash")

    Sir Dirk Bigsword has boldly run into the Spider's* lair, dreams of avarice clouding what little judgement he does have at the sight of the mirrored helm... He is immediately entangled in the Spider's* web and the Spider* attacks:

    "UNDEAD MONSTER!" roared Sir Dirk Bigsword, Knight* of Righteous Justice, as, more or less stuck to the spot, he swung his sword with all his might.

    Sir Dirk Bigsword, Knight* of Righteous Justice, swung back at the giant horror that had attacked him with its alien, unnatural movement. A high-pitched whine issued from the arachnid as Sir Dirk's sword struck true. The Spider* flinched as one of its legs gave way to the sharp blade of cold steel, wielded by the Knight*. A hot jet of ichor sprayed against Sir Dirk's visor and he felt the unhuman fluid run down his cheeks like some repulsive tear.

    "Undead monster?" muttered Lonan under his breath, "What's the pompous *** talking about now?"

    "Keel l'araignée. All huit of its leegs!" Pierre, the Chaubrettan* Knight* as he tried to hit the Spider* without getting his feet tangled in the web.

    Despite his companion blocking most of the archway which acted as entrance to the room, Pierre swung his sword, missing the Giant Spider* by a considerable margin and Sir Dirk by mere millimeters...

    More Repartee from "A Muppet Dungeon Bash"


    "Oui. J'emapelle ready Monsieur Grande Epee!" Declared the Chaubrettan Knight*.

    Sir Dirk Bigsword, Knight* of Righteous Justice, looked over at Lonan and rolled his eyes. "But what the devil is he saying? All I hear is a constant croaking, as if a thousand frogs marched through my ear drums."

    Turning to the foreigner, who was standing beside him as if he couldn't hear him, Sir Dirk Bigsword, Knight* of Righteous Justice, smiled innocently at him and shouted, "Yes, yes, bonjoor, bitter, danker danker."

    Jokes

    • A warhorse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The barman says, without blinking, "Why the long face?"